Wednesday, 10 December 2008


I expect my immune system and the natural defences that roll with it to protect me from people coughing and sneezing nearby. They expect me not to ingest harmful bacteria and viruses. Normally basic hygiene will suffice when it comes to my end of the bargain. Not at Christmas though. Many are run down with the stresses that it brings, meaning people are more likely to be ill. Add to this the steady flow of cakes, chocs and sweets into an office enviroment rife with contamination opportunities.

Within an hour of arriving at work this morning I had seen enough to know that I'd be wise to step up my game if I was serious about not letting illness disrupt my future merry making. Half the population was sniffling or coughing and at one point I saw one of the infected at my desk using my keyboard and mouse. Clearly, absent mindedly popping a Galaxy Truffle Celebration into my mouth is the kind of risky behaviour I shouldn't indulge in. The hands of the infected had been in the box and my own hands had been on my mouse and keyboard. Careful planning with an eye on the law of cause and effect was the best protection in that kind of situation. Like so:

1) Select your sweets. Three is a good amount at any one time if you're interested in not looking greedy.

2) Disrobe the sweets. Be careful not to touch the sweet or the inside of the wrapper where you will leave the sweet resting.

3) Transfer your sweet to your private drawer while continuing to observe the warnings of step 2. Anywhere where you keep stationary is a no-no as the infected feel they have the right to access these regions.

4) Time to wash your hands. Many do this first. A mistake. Mistakes are for the infected.

5) Exiting the bathroom or kitchen is likely to mean you encounter doors and other obstacles which require the use of your hands. Only use one hand and remember which hand you use. Use the same hand to open your private drawer.

6) Enjoy your chocs and sweets ensuring that anything that goes into your mouth has no contact with contaminated materials.


Harlem Loves... said...

Ha ha ha... that is hilarious but also entirely necessary! Honestly, my colleagues are currently cooing over a mouse in our office like it's a pet and then they wonder how Britain got the plague???

John Boy said...

That's unsusual. I associate cooing with females but I also associate jumping on chairs to escape a mouse with females. It's a funny old life.