Wednesday, 23 June 2010

crystal mark

Inspired by an old email from a brother with the same mother, I'm going to translate The Jiggaman's Roc Boys so everyone can 'act like you know'.

First of all I wanna thank my connect
The most important person with all due respect

The last thing I want is to diminish the importance of other contributors and thereby offend them, but the truth is my drug supplier is the most important person in my world and for that I thank them.

Thanks to the duffle bag the brown paper bag
The nike shoe box for holding all this cash
Boys in blue who put greed before the badge
The first pusher who ever made the stash

Let's not forget my entry-level drug dealing paraphernalia, corrupt police who no longer consider 'protect and serve' to be the prime directive and one particular visionary in the field of drug storage facilities.

Thanks to the lames niggas with bad aim
Thanks to a little change I tore you out the game
Bullet wounds'll stop your bufoonery
Thanks to the pastor rapping at your eulogy

Hats off to certain wastemans with poor firearms skills. I used some of my money to rid myself of these competitors. They were shot to death and therefore required a member of the clergy to speak at their funerals - he deserves my thanks.

To Lil Kim and them you know the women friend who
Carry the work cross state for a gentleman
Yea, thanks to all the hustlers, and most important to you, the customer

Thanks to the female drug mules who were prepared to cross state borders to fulfil their duty, to middle men and other key operatives and, naturally, the drug addicts themselves.

Let your hair down baby, I just hit a score
Pick any place on the planet, pick a shore

Relax, my dear. I've just finalised a lucrative deal, you see. We can go anywhere on Earth, just name it.

Take what forbes figured then figure more
Cause they forgot to account what I did with the raw

Forbes calculated my monetary worth. It's not an accurate reckoning though because they didn't allow for my profits from drug dealing.

Put your hand out the window, feel the force
Feel the porsche, hit the frost
Ice cold, jewels got no flaws
Drop got no top, you on the top floor
Pink Rose, think O.J.

Feel the air resistance as you put your hand out of the car window. That, friend, is the unmistakeable feeling of an expensive, high performance vehicle. While you're at it admire my high quality jewelry. I'd like to also remind you that I have the penthouse and am able to treat relatively expensive alcoholic beverages as if they were merely orange juice.

I get away with murder when I sling yay
Heron got less steps than Britney that means it aint stepped on digg me?

My drugs are of a potency that probably kills some people nonetheless I proceed with impunity like O.J. Simpson. I'd like to illustrate this point by saying that my product has gone through very few purity diminishing processes. In fact the figure is less than the amount of steps Britney Spears got through when attempting (and failing) her 12-step rehab program.

Rare porsches, rare portraits, rare guns if you dare come near the fortress
With apple sauces from the apple orchard

This kind of talk is only reserved for the bosses
Which means I get it from the ground
Which means you get it when i'm around

I own many rare commodities which include firearms in order to defend my property. Only drug barons can really flaunt it in this manner. My status means I get my drugs from the source so as long as I'm around there's no need to worry about a supply shortage.

Rich niggas, black bar-mitzvahs,
Mazel Tov its a celebration bitches,
L'Chayim I wish for you a hundred years of success but it's my time
Cheers, toast to crime number one d-boy shame he could rhyme

I'm rich like your stereotypical Jew. I'm a top flight drug dealer, sadly I couldn't give it my full attention due to my superlative rapping ability.


joe ordinary said...

your tireless efforts to make this truly seminal work of literary art accessible to the wider public is to be applauded. bravo sir, bravo

John Boy said...

Thank you. Thank you. Someone had to do it - greater good and all that.

Anonymous said...

Love it! Have you seen Warren G and Nate Dogg's 'Regulate' as told by Wikipedia? Pure Genius!

John Boy said...

Top drawer stuff. In the name of completion here's the link of my inspiration:


itstimeyouknew said...

This was beautiful.